A Woman’s Guide to Successfully Navigate the FWB Situation

Although I have no intentions on seeing the movie with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis (even though I coulda sworn I’ve recently seem the same thing with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman), it seems as if the whole FWB is totally unworkable by many people.  I don’t want to be sexist against my own gender, but women tend to really really mess these things up and forgo any type of benefits there were to be offered and unfortunately lose the friend.  Maybe guys do this too, I couldn’t know.  Here’s a few pointers on how to make it work for you:

We just friends, right?

1. Test the waters

Before you can even get the benefits from your friend, you have to make sure they are even interested in what you have to offer.  Seems like most of these situations come about when one party is in a drought or “jokingly” suggests a hook up to see if the other party would bite.  Either is a reasonable way to go about it because that’s what friends are for.  To help through tough times.  For women it is seemingly very easy to get the male friend to go along with it.  For guys, you have to be pretty delicate about the situation because you don’t want to completely turn her off from the idea.

2.  Know Thyself & Your Intentions

If you are not the kind of person who can have meaningless sex? That is ok, and even an admirable trait, but do not act like you are because you will be crushed. If the hook up suggestion is because you are (not so) secretly in love with said friend and look at this as an “in” for a relationship, you are not ready to tackle the tangled web of the FWB situation. Quickly remove any thoughts from your brain.  If you wanted to be in a relationship with this person then you shouldn’t have gotten friend-zoned in the first place.  It is an almost ungetoutable situation.  Think where the sandworms lived in Beetlejuice. That is the friendzone.

3.  Keep It On the Hush

Seriously. Be a grown up.  Everyone doesn’t need to know your business.  Plus what if later when you get married (to someone else) and you have that one dumb friend that gets drunk and tells your new spouse how you used to get with your friend. Awkwarrrrrd. Several sitcoms have gone over this.  That shit is for real.

4. The Art of Negotiations

Continue to be honest throughout the run of your benefits with a friend. My suggestion is contract negotiations.  I won’t get into a sports analogy because I honestly do not know about the ins and outs of free agency, but I do sign up for health care once a year and read over my options and try to get what best suits me.  It changes every year.  You should both be getting something out of this, and if you aren’t, then terminate the deal.  Is it romantic? No. It’s not a relationship. This is not time to be romagical.  This is the time to make sure you get yours.  Want to add in a clause about no sleep overs? Do it! Want to negotiate some more oral pleasure in your life? Congrats!  A need for weekly quality time? <record scratch> see rule #2.

5. Know When To Say When

If you have caught the eye of someone else and want to pursue an actual relationship with them then immediately notify your b-u-d-d-y and wish them the best on their endeavors.  The FWB situation is not a long term solution, just a way to get by.  If you find yourself catching feelings, then maybe you should step away from the situation.  Normally no explanation is needed when ending a FWB on an amicable note.  “Hey this isn’t working out for me” should suffice and odds are you can keep your friend and spare too many hurt feelings.  If you and your friend decide that maybe you want to take this to the next level then by all means do so, just make sure you are on the same page.  On the very rare occasion this can lead to a very happy relationship, but do not go into a FWB thinking that you will be the exception.  You are not a unique snowflake.

Good luck!

Thanks for tuning in….

ANONYMOUS

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17 thoughts on “A Woman’s Guide to Successfully Navigate the FWB Situation

  1. lmao @ “you are not a unique snowflake.” So true though. I like to go with the whole…know thyself rule. It really works. Keeps me outta trouble, outta jail, and out the crazy house. lol.

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