Its time to have some fun around here…I guarantee this one will raise some eyebrows to say the least. So I figure I’ll let the fellas know what the women won’t admit and let the women know the proverbial cat is out the bag. Lets get to it.
First and foremost, they’re just as horny as us. Scientists are always citing new studies that men think about sex once a minute while women think about it once a day. I don’t know who they’re polling, but this is bullshit. Truth is, just because gals lack testosterone doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy a good lay. They just don’t want to get branded as an easy little slut. Believe me, the more chaste and innocent a girl looks, the more likely she is to own some fuzzy handcuffs and a slightly-worn Kama Sutra book.
Secondly, they don’t really know what the hell they want, but they’ll pretend to be relationship experts. Gold-diggers aside, most young women aren’t necessarily chomping at the bit to get married. In fact, some of them are downright terrified of commitment. But damnit, they’re devoted watchers of Dr. Phil, and they’re determined to keep the gender stereotype as the stable nurturer in a relationship. So be prepared to talk about your feelings.
Next, society has trained them to hate – or at the very least distrust – us. From infancy, girls are told in various subtle and not-so-subtle ways that anyone with a penis can’t be trusted: “Men are only after one thing.” By the time a gal hits puberty, she’s convinced that most men are slimeballs who only smile at her because they’re imagining her naked; by the time she goes to college, she carries mace on her key ring and has memorized the top 5 date rape drugs and their warning signs. Thanks to over-protective mothers, after-school specials, and a few too many Oprah reruns, I’m surprised they aren’t all carrying chastity belts and kneeing every guy they meet in the nuts.
They created the metrosexual; They just don’t want to sleep with him. For decades, women demanded that men become more domestic, more sensitive, and better able to relate to their emotional needs. Now they’ve finally got what they wanted, and they’ve realized that it’s not that fun to them to wear the pants all the time in a relationship. Call them hypocrites, but how can you feel feminine and sexy when your boy takes longer to get ready than you do? How can you respect a guy who cries during sex, a Disney movie, or a Hallmark commercial? You just can’t. This is why nice guys sometimes do finish last.
They don’t ‘get’ porn. What exactly is the appeal of clicking with one hand while you ‘double click your mouse’ with the other? Don’t get me wrong; women have elaborate fantasies. But their versions are mostly that – imaginary scenarios existing solely in their heads, or perhaps a romance novel in which the only picture is on the cover: a Fabio-like hunk in an open, flowing blouse (pause) embraces a voluptuous lady in front of a castle/lake/seashore/etc. They aren’t as dependent on visual stimulation, and they sure as hell don’t want to see http://www.hotsororitygirlsgettinggangbanged.com. And don’t get me started on the whole guy fascination with lesbians….that’s an entirely different blog to come at a later date.
They do talk and compare notes with their girlfriends. Now this topic may be more controversial than the rest due to the fact that I can’t really verify how many women actually do it, but still. OK, so maybe their conversations aren’t quite as frank as those on Sex and the City. They’re not going to kiss and tell everything; They’ll leave that up to Cosmo. But for the sake of their mental health, they have to talk – or rant, or rave, as the case may be – about their love lives (or lack thereof). Size may come up; contrary to what women say, it does matter to some extent. But it’s much more about how you work what your momma gave ya.
They want to see us happy. Whether it’s asking us to “fix” their stuck cabinet door or set up their speaker system, they’re happy to give us an ego boost now and then. Sometimes it’s just easier to play the damsel in distress, smile, and nod than fight with you over the best way to debug a PC. And take note: this eager-to-please attitude extends to the bedroom, too, so long as you reciprocate.
This is what happens when you’re suffering from a slight case of cabin fever due to the weather in Houston. Hope you all enjoy.
Thanks for tuning in……